OMG! It's Armageddon at the Alamo! And just when all those illegals are pouring over the hill like leafcutter ants to a Willie Nelson picnic! Our officials are in a state of panic to be sure. Ted Cruz has been on the phone with the White House, begging Obama for federal aid--and has even hinted he will try to avoid shutting the place down until at least the end of the week. Meanwhile, Gov. Abbott is bringing Ted Nugent back in to head up an interim firing squad system--just in case we fall behind schedule--and has been on the phone all day with Utah, trying to determine if readily-available pearl-handled six-shooters will get it done, or if a gatling gun would be better. How will we survive this crisis?
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